Okay, so I know, I know we're always told how all of this technology is ruining all of our social skills; I don't know that it is necessarily ruining those skills, but I do agree that they are being diminished. I also think, however, that our social encounters are becomming more casual. In years past, the relationship between a parent and his or her child was very formal and "appointment-driven" , but now with social networking sites, like Facebook, they've become extremely more casual. I thought it was interesting when Dvora (the article's author) said that social networking sites can eliminate, or at least significantly decrease, the uncomfortable and awkward interaction between two people. I definitely think it is a lot "easier" to talk with someone on Facebook, through video chats, or on the telephone because you don't necessarily see the full reaction that is intended by the other person. Facial expressions, tone of voice, and text messages can be hard to interpret sometimes. How many times have one of you received a text and were like, "umm..are you mad? are you actually just kidding?" I know I've been the receiver of those messages a couple times. I think when someone feels he or she is only able to reciprocate a relationship online, then he or she isn't ready for the relationship. I also want you to think about how many Facebook friends you have; now how many of them do you actually talk to or even know? I thought that was an interesting point that Dvora (the author of the article) made; she said there were many "friends who scarcely knew" her, she didn't want her father to be one of them. Maybe to really get someone, you need to go beyond the computer screen. With Maslow Heirarchy of Needs, that need for being wanted and belonging aren't really met through a computer screen; they may give false hope, but it just makes it that much easier to be pushed down the "ladder" when there really isn't anything to back those feelings up.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/20/fashion/20Facebook.html?_r=3
Oh, the wonders of technology. The issue of whether or not social networking sites such as Facebook improve or destroy our social skills is definitely a hot topic in today’s society, and I think that both sides have very convincing arguments. Of course, we tend to say things on the Internet that we would never dare to say to someone in person. Yes, we tend to hide behind the computer screen. However, what about families who have been separated, as mentioned in the article, and need a quick and easy method of communication? What about those who have friends and family outside the country and cannot spend long hours on the phone? International calls can get very expensive if the conversation goes on long enough. As with any controversial issue, there will always be two sides to the story.
ReplyDeleteThe article’s author was definitely on target when the point was made that communicating over the Internet makes the situation far less awkward. The problem with this is that understanding a person’s body language, tone, and volume of speech are critical in interpreting what the person truly meant. As they say, “actions speak louder than words,” and this is often the case with teenagers and young adults, who tend to be very sarcastic. We cannot always get the real meaning of what a person is trying to say if all we can see is text written on a screen. How can we be certain that the person didn’t just roll their eyes while reading your message? How can we know that the person is actually lying to you? Often times, none of these things can be perceived without face to face communication. Unfortunately, these misinterpretations can often lead to arguments and drama, and I think we’ve all experienced this at some point in our lives.
I found the whole “should I add my parent as a friend on Facebook?” scenario quite amusing. Personally, I refuse to add my parents on Facebook – not because I have anything to hide, but just because it would be rather awkward to see my mother or father posting on my Facebook wall. Overall, do I think our whole generation is going to become socially inept due to social networking sites? Absolutely not; but I do agree that many people will say things on the Internet to avoid awkward, uncomfortable, and embarrassing face to face confrontation with a person.
Great article, Katie!!! I love talking about all of these changes. Jenn, good point about your parents...I do wonder if that will change as you get older. I added my older family members once facebook became less of a friend/picture posting arena for me and more of a means of organizing my contacts (sort of). Regardless, your points about body language are spot on. With facebook especially, we can "spy" on other people even if they aren't communicating with us and make judgments about them..... fundamental attribution error??
ReplyDeleteThis argument is very relatable to this generation. I think people love and hate facebook or really any social networking site for many reasons. We tend to love it so that we can creep and stalk people without them knowing and also talk to people to make us feel more comfortable and we tend to hate it because it could lead to bigger arguments by seeing and misinterpreting comments/ wall posts. I think facebook is good to an extent. I think it does really help people who have family in other countries or let’s say if a parent has to live somewhere else because of a job really be able to connect. It’s just another form of “talking on the phone” but it’s “talking on the through the web.”May families, I am sure of, have been able to reconnect with other family members whom they have gotten split up from.
ReplyDeleteNot having face to face conversations with someone can lead to miscommunication, fights, and arguments about things that necessarily would have never come about. Without being able to see someone’s reactions, facial expressions, and body language can distort how someone reads a text/ wall post or sees a picture, etc and reacts to it. We all tend to love to stalk people but with the thousands of friends you have, don’t you ever find it really creepy that people (if you don’t have private settings to the max) could be easily creeping on you too? It’s very scary and funny at the same time. I know as addressed above that I don’t know ALL my friends I have accepted on facebook.
Going along with the “accepting your parents” on facebook, I don’t really know. I just don’t want to see my parents post things on my wall or other people’s wall and have it be embarrassing or awkward. Parents sometimes think what they are posting is “cool” when in turn it could be embarrassing to you. I just wouldn’t want that to happen. All in all, I don’t think facebook or social networking sites are taking over, I just feel as though people are misusing them as a way to start a conversation with someone, communicate with them without actually speaking or seeing them. It’s the wrong reasons to use a networking site and the wrong way to get to know someone or even an extent “judge someone” because of a posting or picture. Everyone needs to be careful with who they accept, what they post and how much time they spend on it (we all spend way too much time on it).
This was definitely an fun commentary to read from the Times. Facebook definitely does have an impact on our social relations, but I can see a different spin on this. Just last weekend, I was at a play and heard the elderly people behind me talking about being on "The Facebook." Just so you can get an image, I was basically convulsing with laughter while they chatted on. I find Facebook a great source to see the differences between generations in adjusting to technology. I think, at some point earlier in the year, Miss Fuhrman described some of the characteristics of this generation: adaptability to technology is the major link between people our age and distinguishes from other generations. When I see my great-aunt (whose friend request I did accept, yes) post "cant figure this out somebody help please" with regards to her Farmville game...well, I realize how much more easily technology comes to us. Maybe it's because the present generation is young, many of our brains are still growing and changing, and it's easier for us to learn new things, but when my 23-year-old cousin and my 40something-year-old aunt got the iPhone at the same time, the 23-year-old of our generation adapted a whole lot more quickly to the technology. It's definitely interesting to apply generational differences to technology in an age of so many advances! It seems that younger people use more technology -- texting, IMing, social networking, etc -- but is this because it's become a social norm, learned behaviors, or a dependency for us? It's good stuff to think about.
ReplyDeleteAlso, just on the note of Facebook and psychology...I saw this a few minutes ago and couldn't resist because we just finished abnormal psych!
http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/watch1.jpg
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ReplyDeleteOff of Gabby's post-- a student in one of my other classes just did a project diagnosing each character from Whinnie the Poo with disorders. It's so great! I'll bring it to show you :)
ReplyDeleteMy biggest fear is logging onto facebook and having a friend request from either one of my parents. Thankfully, neither of them have a facebook YET but if they did I know that I would never be friends with them. There are some things that parents just don’t need to know. It would be so awkward for me to be friends with my mom on facebook, as she would then have access to all details of my life. She would know every guy I talked to and would never let it go. I don’t think that we should be friends with our parents on facebook until later on in life, such as in college. I feel that in college facebook may be a good way to keep in touch with your parents without having to call them every night. It is a fast and easy way to touch base.
ReplyDeleteFacebook is definitely diminishing our communication skills and our social skills. As Katie said, it is so much easier to text something to somebody than to actually say it to their face. It is much easier to confront someone through a text, and this is what leads to cyber bullying. Behind an electronic device, people get the confidence to say things they would normally never say. They take comfort in the fact that they don’t have to come face to face with the other person. Relating to the facebook discussion, I admit to having a lot of facebook friends that I barely know. I have a lot of friends who I know their names, but don’t actually know them at all. I think a lot of people are guilty of doing this same thing. Having a true relationship definitely requires a lot more than simply being facebook friends with the person. Being friends on facebook does not mean anything, and cannot help a person to satisfy all of their needs.
Fortunately, my parents aren't technologically savvy and have no clue how to operate Facebook so I don't have to worry about getting a friend request from them anytime soon. But, I have had requests from my aunts and after talking it over with my cousins, I finally had to accept them (one of my aunts called my cousin's mom and told her that my cousin wouldn't accept her friend request- yeah, she's crazy). My brothers friend is friends with his grandma on Facebook and she always writes the weirdest things on his Facebook. Like one time we went to the Sam Adams Concert and he made his status "Sam Adams" and his grandma commented it saying something about the beer named Sam Adams because she's too old to know that Sam Adams is a singer.
ReplyDeleteI personally am not against Facebook for parents because I think it is a neat way for them to reconnect with their friends from high school and coworkers. However, I think they should stay out of their children's business on Facebook. My little brother has the same name as my dad (Gerard Quinn) and so he has gotten multiple friend requests from old men and messages from them asking if he graduated from Bergen Catholic in 1976. Don’t these people know how to look at his profile picture and see a fourteen year old boy? Obviously he didn't graduate high school in 1976.
Even though Facebook does make it easier to talk to people and makes things less awkward. I do not agree with the author when he talks about parents and children communicating through Facebook to avoid feeling uncomfortable. This is crazy! Are parents going to start using Facebook chat to give their children "the talk"? (yes, we all have gotten "the talk").People's interaction skills are negatively affected by Facebook.
When I first read the title of this article I was a little confused as to what was going to come next, but I found the whole thing very interesting especially due to its pertinence in society today. We have become a generation that constantly needs to be surrounded by our electronic devices, and this in turns has a negative impact on our social/communication skills. I agree with Katie in the fact that although I do not believe all these advancements are ruining our social kills, they are diminishing them slowly but surely.
ReplyDeleteI’m not really sure how I feel about the statement that our encounters with our parents are becoming more casual. Maybe it’s just me, but I have never felt like I needed to set up an appointment to talk to my parents, and I do not see any change in our interactions from 5-10 years ago to now. But when I think about it, I almost feel like being facebook friends with your parents makes things more structured as opposed to it being more relaxed. Knowing that your parents will see (and stalk) every picture you post or status you make will make kids more aware of what they are posting. To me this seems much more structured because kids have to be more aware.
Although these social networking sites and video chats help decrease the amount of awkwardness and tension in an interaction, in my opinion you need to experience this awkwardness at least once so both of you can move forward. If you keep video chatting and hiding behind facebook you and your parent(s) will never get anywhere in the relationship! Sure it is easier to hide behind a computer and talk/type to someone, but that is one of the major contributors the diminishing of our social skills. Talking to an adult or parent teaches kids to be polite—talk nicely, have good posture etc.—but when you are not placed in a situation where you need to act mature and interact in person when you are younger, how are you going to be able to handle a job interview!?!?!
To sum up my opinion, I think there needs to be a happy- medium between incorporating to much of today’s technology into our personal lives, and incorporating none at all. There certainly are aspects of it that are positive and help us communicate faster and quicker, but when it is the only way you communicate, it becomes a problem. I do not think society is taking a downhill turn for the worse with all these sites, but I do think that people need to be careful of being so attached and addicted to their computers(websites) and phones (texting).
Facebook is it helpful or hurtful to our social skills? In some ways I think Facebook is helpful it allows us to ask a question and receive fast response without the hassle of having to call someone. Also Facebook allows us to connect with family members we may not see often. I am Facebook friends with many of my aunts and uncles. I was hesitant at first to accept their requests, but then I thought about it and realized they aren’t going to be stalking my profile. They have better things to do. Since I am friends with my aunts and uncles I can see pictures of my cousins that I really only get to see on major holidays and birthdays.
ReplyDeleteHowever, Facebook does tend to make things impersonal. Facebook reduces the need for us to actually pick up the phone and call someone. We can just post a question on someone’s wall or inbox it to him or her, this is bad because it prevents us from learning appropriate phone manners. Facebook also makes confrontation much easier; this isn’t a very good thing. People now say things that they would never say face to face just because having the computer screen in between them and the person gives them confidence. This can lead to cyber bullying. Also the article mentions how parents who are away from home communicate with their children via Facebook to make things less awkward when they see each other. I thought this was so strange. Why wouldn’t they just pick up the phone and call? I think parents that use Facebook as a key mean of communication are setting a bad example for their kids and how they are going to be able to communicate with others in the real world. Like Kelly said, people’s social skills are negatively affected by Facebook.
I have had fights with some of my friends through text messages because we misinterpreted the tone of the text. When I'd be having these fights, my parents would always tell me to just call the person - that way you can see their tone and inflection. That is the downside of texting & facebook. However, the upside is that we now have faster communication. How many times have we sent a quick "Here!" text when we arrive to pick someone up? It's certainly easier to text them than have to park your car somewhere and go ring the doorbell. This is a minor situation, but I think it gets the point across.
ReplyDeleteAh, the question of whether or not to add parents/family on facebook. I caved and added my parents and some other family members. However, there have been times when my parents will say "Hey, what was this post all about?" It's hard because I now have to be very conscious of what I post, because my grandma out in Brooklyn could easily see it (as my parents have reminded me time and time again.) However, the upside is that I now get to see pictures of my three triplet cousins and their new puppy, who live way upstate. In my book, that trumps having to be aware of what I do and don't post.
I used to really like Facebook because it was an easy way to communicate with my friends. However, I now see the downside to having such open communication. Everything you post is extremely public. What if a girl writes on her friend's wall to make plans - and another friend sees it who wasn't invited? Now someone's feelings will probably be hurt. No good can come of every post being so public. Also, I have about 850 "friends" on facebook - Am I friends with all of them in real life? Absolutely not. These "friendships" certainly don't satisfy our needs. We need real, tangible friendships to feel content.
I think that social networking sites like Facebook make a lot of relationships easier to maintain, especially long distance relationships. Friendships that wouldn't necessarily exist without the help of a social media platform are allowed to flourish. You can maintain or build a friendship with someone from a different country who you've only met for a few days through Facebook, and then continue to talk to one another through video chat. The internet allows relationships to continue developing even when there is no face to face interaction. As for how many Facebook friends I have/know I admittedly don't know many of the people who pop up in my newsfeed. I have a chat list for people that I want to talk to when I am on Facebook and that group consists of about 10 out of hundreds of people. It doesn't seem strange when I'm on Facebook, but when I think about it, what's the point of maintaining these "friends" if I feel the need to hide myself from them when I come online. The same thing goes for the family I have apprehensively added as friends. I put them on such strict privacy settings that they can't see any of my pictures or updates. Does being someone's Facebook friends really hold any meaning, or is it just a superficial way of saying that we care to connect with someone when we really don't? I think that with Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs, the sense of being wanted or belonging can be filled to a certain extent. With college decisions coming in and people deciding where they're going to school, many "Blank University Class of 2015" are buzzing with exchanges between next year's freshman. Originally a group to strictly ask questions related to the University, at least in my experiences, these forums have turned into a space where future classmates can connect with one another and begin to feel like a real member of the University. At the same time, "relationships" that function solely through social networking sites are hollow and simply give the illusion that two people are part of a working and developing relationship. These are the people who never see each other, yet you see the progression (and eminent downfall) of the relationship play out over Facebook (among a series of less than threes and hearts.) All in all, social networking sites can be helpful tools in maintaining relationships if there is a relationship to maintain. If there's first a basis for the interaction, all is well in the cyber world.
ReplyDeleteWhy do we all use Facebook? Because everyone else does. It's not an issue of "You're not cool if you don't have a Facebook"...it's an issue of either feeling like you're connected to the other people in your life and your community or feeling unconnected and out of touch. I didn't have a Facebook all of freshman year, and I felt out-of-the-loop and unattached to my friends in the way that they were all attached to each other. I'm friends with most of my cousins and even most of my aunts and uncles on Facebook, which doesn't seem odd to me. Most of them live in Indiana and I hardly get to see any of them, so Facebook has allowed me to stay in contact with all of them on a more regular basis and see snippets of their lives. This is a good thing, but it's definitely no substitute for actually being with them and forging a closer relationship with them.
ReplyDeleteWe've all had those moments where we read something in print and we spend so much time trying to interpret the meaning that we think "must have been intended". Sometimes it's the case, and sometimes it's not. Sometimes words are just words, and sometimes there's a layer of covered-up aggression or sadness or irony or silliness hidden underneath. I think that we have adjusted ourselves to look so hard for meaning in printed words that we sometimes lose the ability to read the more obvious signs like the tone in someone's voice or the look in someone's eyes when they're talking. We're more interested in reading messages and having ample time to digest the words and look for meanings than to hear someone's voice and see their expressions and automatically understand how they are feeling or what they are trying to convey...and this can be seen in the decisions between whether to text someone or call someone as well as speaking face to face or using Facebook.
I think that facebook is both helpful and harmful to us depending on the circumstances that we use them for. Everyone has a facebook because it is a much easier way to stay socially connected with each other. Instead of having to pick up the phone and call someone which may take days to get in touch with someone, using facebook is much quicker and people can answer as soon as they get the time to sit down a type something. I do, however, believe that there are also many negative effects of facebook as well. Socially it can throw many people off. People become so obsessed with these social networking sights and it becomes the basis for their communication with everyone. Therefore, when people meet in person, their social skills are completely ruined. They do not know what to do or say and situations become very awkward. Also, communicating through the computer can be very dangerous because people can easily interpret messages the wrong way. When someone is curious and asks someone “why did you say that?” it could easily be interpreted as giving attitude. This is how many fights start. So depending on the circumstances, social networking can be a good thing or a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteNothing is funnier than logging into facebook and seeing your mom's name on your friend requests. I have yet to accept...
ReplyDeleteI was just having a conversation with her about facebook the other day. For years I've been trying to explain to her that yes, it is a social networking site that is overused by teenagers but its also a really helpful tool and its ultimately shaped this generation of technology. Now that she has an account she is finally understanding how "cool" it is that she can now communicate with her 2nd cousin twice removed
But she has also commented on how much work it is to keep up with this site. I never really thought about that until she said it. To us, its just a way to pass the time, to procrastinate a bit longer, to see who our ex boyfriend is now dating. But to some adults who are jut figuring out the site, its a bit overwhelming. They are now connected 24/7 to the outside world and as a society, I think we're still trying to figure out if that is a good or bad thing
I thought the article made an interesting argument for communication between children and parents whom they rarely see in person -- it's a really specific situation that I find distinct from what Facebook/other online communication might mean for a child who is at home living with his/her parents. What I've found is that for relationships that are naturally hindered by distance, whether between friends or relatives, Facebook can be a good connecting tool. I have an aunt, for example, who lives in Florida, so I don't get to see her much. While I would normally hesitate to be Facebook friends with an adult relative both because I feel that people who aren't used to online communication often misinterpret what others say online and because I'm uncomfortable with certain relatives knowing every detail of my life, I accepted my aunt because I felt like it would be a good way to get to talk to her. It's actually worked out well -- I can give her quick updates about my life through an inbox message instead of having a phone conversation, where we might not have much else to talk about besides the quick exchange of news. For this reason, Facebook can be helpful, but I do have to say that if you want to have a truly close relationship with anyone, Facebook can't be your primary means of communication. It's okay for my aunt and me because it doesn't bother me that we aren't that close. But let's say that once I go to college, I become Facebook friends with my mom (who, thankfully, currently doesn't have a Facebook) and Facebook is the only place we talk. That would be weird, because it would be reducing a relationship with so many nuances and so much previous time spent together to a few lines a day of contact.
ReplyDeleteOnline communication -- whether it be Facebook, email, or anything else -- is not the same as seeing someone in person, and it's even not the same as talking to someone on the phone. While the rise of online networking has lessened the need for awkward phone conversations between, let's say, you and your partner on a school project, it shouldn't take away from talking on the phone with people you're actually close with. I actually like talking on the phone, because you can often use it like the father in the article talked about using video chatting with his kids: as a window (except without the visual). I talk on the phone all the time with my friend Victoria, who I sometimes don't get to see through the school week if we're both busy -- I'll be on the phone with her while I'm replying to emails for school or cleaning my room, and even if we're not saying much, I feel like we've kept in touch by being on the phone.
I definitely think that both the type of situation under which you're communicating with a person and what kind of relationship you want to have with that person determine how Facebook should factor into your communication with him/her. Close relationships need more time than Facebook time to thrive, but other relationships function perfectly well through Facebook communication.
I don’t think that we are becoming socially inept because of technology, but I think we define social skills differently today. When my parents were growing up, no one was texting or on Facebook. Today, we incorporate those things into our social life. Facebook and texting make it easier to plan things and for people to get together, but then they actually hang out in the same room and talk to each other. I like being able to go on Facebook and ask someone a quick question about homework or something, but my mom has barely mastered email. I think there is definitely a generation gap when using technology. My mom and dad would rather call someone if they want to talk or even just ask a quick question, while my brother and I would just text someone or go on Facebook chat. I think technology can be a great supplement to your social skills. My family used Skype when my cousin spent a semester in Italy and it worked great. Just because you use technology to make social situations easier, faster, or less awkward does not mean you have lost the ability to communicate with people face to face. Most people still interact with people away from technology. Unless you are homeschooled, students have to interact with their peers and teachers everyday without technology. I think most people use Facebook and texting in addition to face-to-face encounters, not as a replacement for.
ReplyDeleteI can very much relate to this article. My mom has been trying to get me on her friends list this whole year... I told her I'll accept once I'm in college. I think social networking sites like Facebook and technology like cell phones really destroy the natural connection humans could have with each other. Sure there's a million stories of how people met online or got reconnected by Facebook and that's great. But as the younger generations grow up with these sources always at hand, it can really affect their personality and social skills. In middle school I can still remember all the bullies that hid behind a computer. AIM was the big thing and that is where sixth graders got ripped apart. How is that helping our society? Sure it's giving some kids confidence but is it really the type we hope to give them as parents and mentors?
ReplyDelete