Since we go to an all-girls high school and have to deal with girls on an everyday basis, I thought that this article was a very appropriate topic! We always here about the ongoing “girl-fights” at lunch or parties, but what is the foundation for most of these fights? This article says that social comparison is a fundamental characteristic of humans to engage in which is why so many fights start. I completely agree that humans are always in competition with each other to have the better car or clothes, but are women more prone to engaging in social comparison than man? This article states that women are more likely to participate in “upward” social comparisons where they compare themselves to someone superior to themselves. Why do you think this is? The article also believes that women are more prone to this upward social comparison because they have one more motive than men do: their offspring. Women tend to be in competition with other women because they think, whether it is consciously or unconsciously, that women of a higher status are more likely to get a larger share of the available resources for their offspring. This evokes anger, jealousy, and hatred because every woman wants to raise their children the best that they can. What do you think of this idea? Do you believe that when women are jealous of each other they are really thinking about their future offspring? One of the final points this article makes for women being more prone to social comparison deals with the concept of discrimination against women. Women compete more fiercely with one another because the sources “reserved” for them are scarcer. Do you think this is true? What are some other reasons that you think women are more prone to compare themselves to other women? What do you think social comparison does to a person’s self-esteem and self-worth?
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sapient-nature/201103/are-women-their-own-worst-enemies
When I first began to read the article I took the approach that maybe social comparisons can be useful in our life. We can tend to look at them in a positive way to help compare ourselves (in a good way) to others in our grade, gender, etc so that we can better pursue and challenge ourselves. If we look at someone in our grade who takes for instance, lots of AP classes and you look at yourself who does not take any, you can compare yourself in that way. You compare yourself to them not to lower your self esteem, but to challenge yourself to take on one or two AP classes/ Honors classes the next year. I think woman feel as though they have more responsibility and need to be this “superior figure” that they forget to be themselves and cherish what they have. I think women tend to put more pressure on themselves and discriminate against other women because they have so much or feel as though they have so much responsibility.
ReplyDeleteI think women are very discriminating when they say that “women of a higher status are more likely to get a larger share of the available resources for their offspring.” I don’t think women should look at it in that sense. I think women should raise their children the best way they can and appreciate their kids not by materialistic things. I do agree with the article that women compete more fiercely with one another because the sources “reserved” for them are scarcer. Everyone wants the top dollar job so that they can have those top dollar materialistic things (ex: cars, houses). I think social comparison can lower or higher your self esteem based on how you interpret it. If you discriminate and fiercely get jealous and angry at other women for having more children, higher job, and more money then I think it can lower your self esteem. This can affect yourself worth because you start to pull away and think you can never achieve any of that.
I think another reason that women are more prone to compare themselves to other women because they don’t want to see their children become a “failure” in life. If their children fail or aren’t seen as “wealthy” then the blame is put on them more than males/ husbands. I think this article could shape up and wake up the way women should and should not view themselves. I honestly believe with the technology and the way our world is constantly changing and updating that there is always going to be competition amongst women (and really any gender, race, etc.) to outwit the other.
I know as a dancer, I am always told that the other dancer (s) are your friend outside the dance room but inside you want the attention on you, not because you hate the other person and should be aggressive and violent towards them, but because you want people to notice you in a good way. You want to use the other person as a motivation and feed off of one another. This should go the same way in the real world with women.
I love how the article started off by saying how social comparisons can in fact be helpful in some instances. For example, if we’re traveling to a foreign country such as China or Italy, social comparisons would help us to establish the norms of that culture, thereby avoiding any inappropriate actions or behavior that may be acceptable only in the United States. Comparing ourselves to the society in which we live gives us some form of gauge or baseline to determine whether we are successful and productive as human beings. However, I feel that social comparisons are only helpful in competitive and individualistic cultures, in which everyone is striving to be the best they can be. For those living in collectivist societies, where the focus is solely on the betterment of the group as a whole, comparisons can be harmful. If everyone is too busy comparing himself or herself to another, how can the group come together and cooperate to get anything accomplished?
ReplyDeleteIn terms of the argument that “women are their own worst enemies,” I feel that the author really got into the possible causes from an evolutionary standpoint, and I do agree with many of them. For example, maybe it was critical for our female ancestors to compete against each other in order to provide the best resources for their offspring to survive. However, as psychology students, we know that any particular claim must be evaluated from a variety or perspectives and viewpoints. I strongly agree that women feel they have to compete more fiercely with one another because the resources reserved for them are scarcer, but I don’t feel this is the right way to obtain more resources. If women wish to break through the ever-present “glass ceiling,” it would be much more effective to bond together as a community and work for equality, rather than competing against one another. After all, we have men to compete against, so why compete against each other? Finally, the graph provided in the article really made me laugh because it’s SO true. Women are definitely more likely to engage in same-sex upward comparisons with women, evoking emotions such as anger and jealousy. I can’t even remember how many times girls, including myself, have purchased something or done something for the sole purpose of hurting another girl’s self-esteem. (And yes, many times it does work.) Males, on the other hand, are always looking for the shirt, shoes, or car that will “impress the ladies.” Women need to start getting it together!
Before I even read the article I agreed with the fundamental concepts that Erin was covering in her excerpt about the blog. You can find social comparison underlying almost any fight between girls, even those that don’t appear so. Any fight you can imagine, whether it is over a guy or even something as little as the same prom dress, is likely to have social comparison underlying it. I wrote my research paper on jealousy and so one section of it was talking about how jealousy in women stem from their desire to get resources from their partners, which is exactly what Erin said. The information I discussed in my research paper related to everything that was being mentioned in the article, specifically the fact that women need resources. I definitely agree that women are more prone to be in competition with other women. We hold onto dumb things longer, and linger when we should just forget about something. If that girl stole your guy you feel defeated for awhile. You won’t feel better until you feel like you have gotten revenge, and feel like you have gotten her back. It will bother you until you feel as if you are better off than her. This is not the case with guys. If their friend starts hooking up with a girl they wanted, they’d probably be mad at first, but would definitely not linger as long as a girl would. Relating this scenario back to the offspring concept, men don’t need the resources of their partner. If they lose their girl, they can always find another woman, whereas women need to be concerned with finding a guy who has the same, if not better resources.
ReplyDeleteI also think that women are more prone to these social comparisons because of low self-esteem and low self-worth. This can work both ways. A woman can be insecure and have low self-esteem because she is always in social comparison, or a woman can engage in social comparison because she has low self-esteem. A confident person does not need to compare themselves to other people. It does not matter if their ex-boyfriend’s new girl is prettier than them because they are confident with who they are. On the other hand, a person with low self-worth is likely to always feel insecure and not good enough, therefore causing them to constantly compare themselves. Someone who compares themselves to others is never going to be secure because they are always going to want something they don’t have.
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ReplyDeleteThe thing that stood out the most to me in this article was the bar graph which represented the study conducted at the University of Texas- Austin. Male and female participants were asked whom they most often try to impress by owning "nice things," and I was surprised to see that men try to impress women whereas women try to impress other women. At first I was shocked, but after thinking about it, it's so true! Women don't buy $600 Louis Vuitton bags to impress men because most men could care less! Instead, they buy expensive designer clothes, shoes, and bags to impress other women.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the article's main point: women are more prone to engaging in social comparison than men. I never thought that offspring had anything to do with this comparison until I read this article. However, I do believe that the author makes a valid point with this argument. Mothers love their children and want the best for them, which may cause them to be in competition with others. I believe that when women are jealous of each other, they aren't always consciously thinking about their future offspring but may be doing so unconsciously. There is no way that young women in college are thinking about their future offspring when they are trying to impress their roommate with the expensive designer clothes they just got for Christmas!
The first line of this article, “A fundamental characteristic of humans is to engage in social comparisons” is very interesting to me, because although we like to think that we are our own individual people, we are constantly looking at others around us and judging both others and ourselves. Living in an individualistic society like America, one would think that we are not completely concerned with our appearance and social/economic status, but just the opposite seems to be true for a lot of people. As the article says, we always are trying and want to keep up with the Jones’. Whoever has the coolest phone, nicest house, and most expensive car is a lot of times bowed down to and looked up to.—Do we really feel the need to base everything off of money and materialistic items!?
ReplyDeleteI do think that women are more prone to social comparison than men are. I mean I like to think that I am not that way, but I know that sometimes I want to buy things just because everyone else has them. The perfect example of this is Uggs. I know that in 5th grade there was one girl that had them and then by the winter of the next year our ENTIRE grade had them. Literally that is no exaggeration. I know that this is an example on a much smaller scale, but it still contributes to the fact that we are constantly comparing ourselves to others and trying to keep up.
I do agree with the main point of this article. From watching my dad and brothers, I know that they never want to get new cars or clothes just because their friends have them. I on the other hand know that once a lot of my friends get something (clothing or shoes) I always want to get it as well. Now I know that sounds terrible to say, but it is the truth!
I think there is definitely a mentality that we all have to “keep up with the Jonses”. Everyone wants to have the most money or have the highest rank in a job. I do agree with the article and the fact that says women compete with other women constantly.
ReplyDeleteI never thought about women competing with each other because of their future offspring. The article said that women want the best things for their children, so they feel the need to be jealous of the women that are able to provide for their children. However, I was not surprised why women are in competition with their jobs. There are not many available positions for women in the work force because in many nations a woman working is fairly new. So when women see that another woman has a better job than them that may cause great jealousy.
While reading this article I was thinking about if I do this or not. I would like to say that I don’t compare myself to others, but I definitely do. In middle school when everyone started getting Juicy Couture velour outfits I felt so left out. I compared myself to all the “rich” girls that got them. I begged my parents to let me get one because I wouldn’t be popular if I didn’t have one. I was in middle school and I was already comparing myself to other girls, and I definitely was not the only girl in my grade feeling this way. How sad!
When I was reading Mariel’s post she wrote about using other girl’s strengths as a motivation to better become, not as something to bring you down with. I definitely agree with that, and I think that women should try and follow that!
I thought this article was super interesting and very relevant to us. Like Alyssa said, I found myself agreeing with many of the concepts Erin presented before I even read the article. The bar graph shown in the article kind of shocked me and definitely supported the hypothesis. Women seem more prone to social comparison because they are often more socially conscious than man. There is definitely a strong "keeping up with the joneses" mentality among women that is driven by their offspring more than personal gain. Women often suffer from more self esteem problems than men do which causes us to compare ourselves to other women, driving the upward social comparison. Women are definitely motivated by their offspring, as they often want to produce the best they can for their children and families. Women also feel they must measure up in a male-driven business world after being discriminated against for decades. I related a lot to what Nicole said about Ugg boots in fifth grade, as I went through the same thing. I think women are more motivated by jealousy or envy than men are, feeling we have to measure up and "keep up with the joneses." Women are often more motivated by other women than they are motivated by themselves. Perhaps this competition among women could also produce some positive effects instead of cat fights and hair pulling. Women should use the upward social comparison to use what they see in other women to become better themselves. Using social comparison as a motivation for self improvement instead of jealousy may help end the catfights and the self esteem problems among women.
ReplyDeleteThis article was extremely interesting and relevant to nearly all women. I know I could relate to it. I think we engage in social comparisons because we constantly want to know whether or not we are good enough. If we compare ourselves to someone else and realize that we have a nicer phone or car, we instantly feel better about ourselves (at least I know I do!) I feel like that is why we have the "IHA Senior Prom Dresses 2011" on facebook. Sure, we all say that we have that group so nobody gets the same dress. And maybe that is partly true. But I think an underlying reason might be because if we see an ugly or less expensive dress, we instantly feel better about ourselves and our own dresses.
ReplyDeleteI think that women are definitely more likely to engage in social comparisons than men. I think one of the reasons for this is that women are simply held to a higher standard, no matter how sexist that may be. If a boy drives an old beat-up truck, girls are instantly attracted to it. However, if a girl drives an old car, people could label her as being poor or a loser. With this logic, boys won't care what people do as much as women because it doesn't matter what THEY do as much. When the girls are being held to such high standards, they look to those around them to see if they are "good enough."
One other thing that I found really interesting was that some women definitely live vicariously through their children. I knew this one girl's mother who would constantly brag about her daughter's basketball skills. I always wondered why the woman felt the need to brag, because her daughter was a great player and everyone could see that. I learned years later that her husband was leaving her at the time, which of course takes a toll on you. She was probably looking for self-gratification, and found it by living through her talented daughter.
Like a lot of you, I found the bar graph in the article to be very telling -- though it was only based on preliminary research, there did seem to be much evidence to back the author's claims. It showed that women did try to impress both men and other women, but that they try to impress women more often. I definitely find this accurate in my day-to-day life. Though women want men to find them attractive, this doesn't always entail impressing men with our material possessions, simply because (most) men tend to care less about, say, what they're wearing than women do. I think women perceive clothing and other material objects to be status symbols more than men do, and as a result, they are really trying to impress each other.
ReplyDeleteI also, think that (unfortunately) what the article said about women feeling that there is less room for them at the top is often true. We may not always see ourselves in as much competition with men at the workplace as we do with other women because the perception still exists that there are only a certain number of places for women at work. I do think, though, that this definitely depends on the field you're working in -- for example, science and math fields are more typically associated with more men working in them than women (like at MIT), and would thus lead to more competition among women for the supposedly limited number of spots. Bringing up the pro-women faculty policies at MIT that have recently been scaled back, my initial reaction is to say that it's really unfortunate. I say this mostly because of the discriminatory perceptions that still exist about women in math/science fields: without the pro-women hiring policies, an equally (or more) qualified female job applicant might lose a position to a man. On the other hand, to cite female MIT professors' argument, were the policies giving women an unfair advantage? Notice, though, that it was women -- who may have lower levels of self-esteem to begin with because of the increased levels of competition among themselves -- who felt that they themselves were being given an unfair advantage. In a lot of ways, we're making things worse for ourselves! I agree with what many of you have said -- we women need to band together instead of competing so much with each other.
I think that womanly protective and motherly instincts are fascinating. I thought it was important that the article pointed out that not only is there a significant difference between men and women's priorities of providing the best possible for their offspring, but also that these correlations are present in all socio-economic classes. I think this statistic helps attribute a lot of these characteristics to women in a purely genetic sense, and not just environmental issues, such as family income and whether one or both parents have full time jobs.
ReplyDeleteI definitely see through my own or others' experiences that women tend to compare themselves to other women much more harshly than men compare themselves to other men. Take all of us at IHA for example. I think it's reasonable to believe that generally there's a higher level of competition between female students than there would be in an all male-student environment. This definitely contributes to women's tendency to think negatively and the stereotype of girls--especially teenage girls with a lot to prove--as being catty. Women, while complaining about not being treated fairly or being deserving of more than what is currently being offered to them, are so quick to point out cases of women being favored as unfair. It seems unfair in every situation except when it happens to us. Like many other people have already said, women should really start building each other up more instead of falling prey to "upward social comparisons"...and it starts here and now with us!
“A fundamental characteristic of humans is to engage in social comparisons” is very true – think about it, there are many things we define by comparing ourselves and others; how pretty someone is, how skinny, how smart, how rich, how popular. I definitely agree with Kaitlin about getting grades back. Everyone instantly asks everyone around them how they did. I know I have started a few conversations with my parents about a bad grade with, well in comparison to everyone else in the class I didn’t do that bad because the class average was blank and whoever who is like a genius in this subject only got an 85. If we did better than the people around us, we feel better about ourselves for the rest of the day, but if we continually do worse, we can develop low self esteem.
ReplyDeleteEven though it is sad to say, most people compare themselves to others, especially women. I never really thought about it before, but I can definitely see that women try to impress other women. When I get a new dress or a handbag and I show my dad, my brother, or one of my guy friends, they say something like “whatever,” “I didn’t notice”, or “cool.” Women are not buying designer clothes, shoes, and bags to impress men because most men would not be able to tell the difference – women buy these things to impress other women and make them jealous.
I think that women have to compete with other women, subconsciously for resources for their offspring, but also because the number of spots for women in a certain workplace or even college program is limited. We were actually just talking in math class today about how a lot of guys from the boys’ schools got into schools like Boston College or Loyola MD and one of the reasons is that in recent years the majority of students has been female and they are trying to even out their demographic. In science and math fields also there is usually only a small number of spots available for women.
I think that a huge part of our culture and society is built upon comparing and competing with one another. The entire commercial industry is based on advertising which markets the concept of "I like how she looks, I want to look that way, I buy the product." I think that the biological component of our competitive nature ties back to Darwin's concept of natural selection. One way that we know that we are in good standing is if we can say that we're better than someone else, and it's been this way based on survival itself. As long as I'm not the weakest link, I'm safe. This competitive attitude has translated from basic survival to an integral part of our society. Our self-concept based on these standards affects our self-esteem and our overall happiness. I think that we often hear girls say "I'm more of a guy's girl. I just get along better with guys. Girls are too catty." While I think this is a huge generalization, I admit I've said this before. I think that girls tend to be "catty" because we sometimes try so hard to compete with one another. Competition doesn't always have to be so blatant. Competition can range a variety of things, including grades (like Steph mentioned,) attention from guys, gossipy stories, clothing, etc. Again, competition may be natural in humans, but what makes girls so readily defined as "catty?" Perhaps girls have a tendency to see each other as an enemy because, in the past (mostly,) women had to compete for a restricted number of places in society/jobs. According to this theory, men aren't seen as a threat because they're not comparable. This may explain why women are so much more eager to be friends with men, because it's a relief from that constant competition.
ReplyDeleteI will always stand by my own personal fact that girls get in fights more than boys because every girl fight is either directly or indirectly over a boy! People always ask me if there are so many fights at IHA because we're all girls and it must be so horrible. I always tell them that there are rarely any fights at all because we don't have the boy factor. I agree with the article that fights are all about competition. We see this at IHA through our grades in the class room and playing time on the court. Everyone wants to be better than everyone else. If you aren't smarter, then at least you're richer. There's always something us girls try to be good at... and when we say good it usually means better than someone else. Although the air of competition is at an all time high in the class room, IHA still really doesn't have that many fights because there are no boys to fight about. Even the occasional fight is about a boy from another school. But alwaysssssssss a boy. I have been fortunate enough to get along with mostly anyone that goes to my school, but as soon as a boyfriend is in question or a text is read wrong, it turns into Mean Girls. It doesn't matter how long you've been sitting next to a girl in religion class, she'll hunt you down right away if she feels threated by you in the boy zone. Its unfortunate but it's in the package of being a girl. I wish boys had more determination to be the best like we do... maybe then they'd be a little smarter :)
ReplyDeleteI thought it was really interesting that in the very beginning of the article, it said that we engage ourselves in those social comparisons. I think it's a lot easier to say that we don't want to be a part of all the drama, than it actually is to disassociate ourselves from it.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was really interesting that the article attributed women's tendencies to try to "one up" one another to their thought of the future and their children. Many times I think we approach this idea of same-sex competition as having solely personal satisfaction; the only reason, or the main reason, we compete with others of the same sex is to further ourselves. And of course, this is true for some cases, but the idea that it may also be for the betterment of future generations is an interesting and completely plausible approach.
I do think that women are their own worst enemies. As we've said in class, women feel they have much more that they are responsible for and in charge of taking care of; socially, I think they are, which is why so much competition is present in our every day lives.
Going to an all girl school, I think we are all a part of this same-sex competition. It is almost like a preparation for later in lifeand in the workplace. We learn how to compete against different personalities and how to be successful on a smaller scale (i.e. acheiving the good grade, becoming friends with everyone, etc.) and once we enter the "real world" we have become so fully accustomed to the idea of this competition that it is almost innate for us.
Honestly, I think this competition teaches us to be that stereotypical "mean girl" rather than working as a union for the betterment of a group and overall success. Our individualistic society probably plays a role in that as well, because we are constantly being told that we should do whatever we can to make it all the way to the top of the "ladder", even if that means pushing other people off to get there. It's not fair, but I think that our society has desensitized us to this compeition and we don't see it as something that can be harmful, merely a way to acheive what you want.
I think all girls have a bit of "mean girls" syndrome. We're all susceptible to the jealously that comparison evokes. I've seen girls who are best friends turn on each other over a guy, which is so cliche in high school but its doesn't stop there. And then, of course, if our boyfriend is cheating on us we blame the girl, not him.
ReplyDeleteI think women drive themselves crazy with comparisons, which translates into severe paranoia and insecurity. So many women have low self esteem and ok this may sound weird but I've heard of girls who will purposely make "ugly" friends so that they can feel superior. as snobby as that sounds, i think this could pose a huge problem for us. If we are so willing to turn on each other, then how will we be able to increase our power as a gender?
The root of these sorts of problems definitely have to do with poor self esteem.