Happy Valentine’s Day!
In light of Valentine’s Day, I chose an article related to both love and the holiday itself. After viewing Facebook statuses this weekend, I stumbled upon many who apparently “hate” Valentine’s Day and think of it more as “single awareness day,” a constant reminder of how you’ll be spending the day lonely and upset, devouring boxes of chocolate. This article questions the validity of “love addiction” a condition which is not yet recognized in the DSM or by psychology and psychiatry in general. Do you feel that this should be classified as a real medical disorder, or are people simply getting too hyped up over one day of the year? The article also poses the question of whether or not we should do away with Valentine’s Day. Personally, I think opinions on this matter would be biased based on whether or not the person is currently in a relationship. Do you agree/disagree? Should Valentine’s Day truly be erased completely? Or should single men and women think positively and use it as a day to express their love for family, friends, and themselves?
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/201102/valentine-s-day-should-we-dump-it
While I think it's pretty safe to say that we'll hold on to the tradition of Valentine's Day for a long time to come, it was really interesting to read this very rationalized argument against it. The reference to a "love addiction" made me do a double take -- love what? I'd never heard of anything like it. Sure, we know plenty of people who are constantly dating someone new, and maybe this isn't the most stable approach to relationships. But does this really qualify as a disorder? To me, definitely not. Some people are the type that need change in their lives, and others realize that when the sparks wear off, the realities or logistics of a certain relationship simply don't work. As for the increase in the divorce rate, I honestly chalk it up to the shifting values in society: more and more women are entering the workplace and focus on careers instead of staying home with the family, perhaps leading to splits in the domestic household.
ReplyDeleteIt's important to recognize that while society is imposing images of the falling in love, fireworks and stars, dazzling sort of romance on the public through movies/literature/etc., it's simultaneously perpetuating the image of what it expects as normalcy. With increasing exposure to the media (think -- just within the past 10-15 years, we now have Youtube, Facebook, online news, and more), we are bombarded with society's perceptions of how we should look and act. What is normal or right? Combined with the fact that more and more disorders are recognized today such as hoarding (as I've noted previously on Steph's blog contribution) and more and more treatments enter the market with pharmaceutical advances, it's no surprise that people diagnosing themselves with everything under the sun. I don't really believe in "love addiction;" instead, I owe it just to hormones or an "inability to commit." However, it's interesting to use this article to look at the bigger picture. Think of all of the disorders that society imposes upon us: for an example, the image of perfection leading to anorexia and bulimia. Maybe the continuing exposure to media and societal values can lead to disorders such as "love addiction."
- I really liked this article because it is very relatable to young teens, our age as well as adults. I think to an extent “love addiction” can be relatable like stated in the article to the person figuring out who the right person is and right time to marry someone is. They are in many relationships in order to figure out there type of person they are actually interested in and attracted to. I do tend to lean more towards it not being an “addiction” because it seems like sooner or later there will disorders, and people saying they are addicted to things when they really aren’t. I think these people may have a compulsive thing triggering them, but not so much an addiction. There is no “set” time for marriage, but it is and can be influenced deeply by the social clock of our society. As for Valentine’s Day, I think people may be getting a little too hyped up over one day of the year because it should be a day to express to anyone whether it would be a boyfriend, husband, family member, or close friend how you feel towards them not how you think you should feel towards them. I agree with Jenn that people’s opinion about whether to do away with Valentine’s Day is a good or bad idea depends on the person. I think it can be stressful for both sides. For those who have a “significant other”, they are stressed about what to get them and for those how don’t they are stressed because they aren’t “in love”. I think Valentine’s Day is hard for both types of people to cope with. It can also be enjoyable because you are able to spend time with people or person you love. Overall, I don’t think Valentine’s Day should be erased because it should be used as a day to express love in other ways. It is meant to by a happy day not something to stress over. Also, I think facebook has put pressure on Valentine’s Day. People can easily find out if you are single or in a relationship based on your profile. I think people who are single and post comments about how they hate Valentine’s Day or how they don’t have a valentine only draws attention to how they are single instead of leaving it and if people really want to know, leaving it for them to “stalk you”.
ReplyDeleteLike Gabby has already said, Valentine's Day isn't going anywhere any time soon. And I'm okay with that. I guess you could say I have a sort of pleasant indifference to the holiday -- I think that it's a nice time for people to express their affection for one another, but I also feel that they could do this any other day of the year. Valentine's Day is so commercialized and so much about people buying things for each other that sometimes the intention behind the holiday is forgotten, and I think that just giving someone you love a nice gift on a random day during the year might recapture that intention. I think it's so much nicer for someone you love to show you that they love you without there being an expectation for them to.
ReplyDeleteAs far as being single / in a relationship and what that means for a person's Valentine's Day experience, I don't think it is that big of a deal. If you are in a relationship with someone you may exchange gifts or make plans with that person for Valentine's Day, and if you aren't in a relationship, so what? I know what Jenn means about seeing "I hate Valentine's Day" / "Why am I alone" Facebook statuses...and honestly, it gets really annoying. Being in a relationship is not a measure of who a person is, and Valentine's Day isn't even only for people in relationships. I think that everyone needs to appreciate the day for what it is: an overly hyped up and commercialized holiday that can definitely be a nice way for us to show our love for family, friends, and significant others if we want to.
I almost forgot to talk about the "love addiction" thing...bottom line, I don't believe in it. People who claim to be addicted to love obviously have commitment issues or maybe other underlying problems / insecurities. These issues do not make their relationship patterns an addiction. There are a lot of real addictions out there, and there simply is not enough evidence to put "love addiction" on the same level as something like alcoholism or drug addiction.
I am pretty indifferent to Valentine's Day. I personally think that someone's performance on Valentine's Day is not indicative of the relationship. A successful relationship is built on the little things people do every day -- like respect and trust. Buying your significant other a sweet card & chocolates does not speak to how the person acts in the relationship. So, for this reason I feel like this one day is hyped so much and is believed to be a sign of how successful the relationship is, which is not necessarily always true.
ReplyDeleteI think that very often being single or in a relationship can affect the way that the individual feels on Valentine's Day. I agree with what was already said -- the statuses of various single people I see are pretty depressing. I always just want to comment, "Appreciate what you have, don't dwell on the negative!" On a different note, I think that regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not, Valentine's Day should be a day when you appreciate everyone you have in your life. My family and I always exchange cards and I love that, because it's just another indicator of how much you value and love them. For this reason, I do not think that Valentine's Day should be gotten rid of. We should work on viewing it as a day to embrace everyone in our lives, regardless of whether we are in a relationship or not.
I do not buy the "love addiction" argument. I think it is a term that people in relationships use as an excuse for their controversial behavior. I feel like people who diagnose themselves with "love addictions" usually have another real disorder that they are hiding from. I refuse to believe that this "addiction" could be categorized with recognized addictions by the DSM.
The idea of "love addiction" is an abstract concept to me. For my research project I decided to study the science of love. The premise of this article was the fact that a long-term relationship kills romantic love. It is said that passion decreases while intimacy increases, and commitment increases and then eventually levels off. The problem with the relationships mentioned in the article is that the focus of the relationship is on passion with a lack of focus on intimacy which doesn't allow for the commitment to build. As for the increasing divorce rate that the article refers to, that can be attributed to couples getting married too soon. If a couple is married before the relationship has settled into a comfortable balance of intimacy and commitment, but is rather based off of lust, there is little chance of the relationship being sustained. I think that this is a case of people inventing disorders in order to qualify their actions. While I suppose that a "love addiction" could someday be recognized by the DSM, I think we'll see sightings of Cupid first.
ReplyDeleteLove addiction? I think that idea is crazy. I believe that people who think they are addicted to love actually just have an issue with commitment. I do not think the people who are jumping from relationship to relationship should be classified with love addiction; they probably have a different disorder that is already in the DSM. As for the Valentine’s Day thing, I think people are nuts to think it is a stressful holiday. It is a day to celebrate the people you love. You don’t have to be in a relationship; it can be celebrated with a close friend or family. People who complain about Valentine’s Day being stressful are just trying to draw attention to themselves so they have people comfort them and not be all by themselves on that day. I do not think Valentine’s day is going away anytime soon, I think removing the holiday would be too extreme.
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ReplyDeletePersonally I do not believe there is such a thing as a ‘love addiction.’ I believe that this supposed disorder came from the minds of a few confused people who can’t remain in a committed relationship. This can relate back to the Tiger Woods scandal in which it was said he had a ‘sex addiction.’ I do not think that a love addiction and a sex addiction can be classified as psychological disorders as there is nothing truly wrong with a person, they are just having issues dealing with their emotions. Someone does not have a legitimate disorder just because they cannot hold on to a boyfriend or girlfriend. People who constantly find their relationships failing are just trying to say they have a disorder to excuse themselves for it.
ReplyDeleteI also believe that the people who want to erase Valentine’s Day are those people who cannot find love. It is a simply a day for people to show they care. This Valentine’s Day I was single for the first time in high school and although I admit it was not a fun Valentine’s Day, I am not going to go as far to say that the day should be erased. I am not going to obsess over it and claim I have a disorder or ask that the holiday be erased. It is a cute holiday and a day a love. Single men and women, such as myself, should use the day to think positively and take pride in their singleness. People shouldn’t be ashamed to be single! :)
Getting rid of Valentines Day for a couple in love is like getting rid of Christmas for children who still believe in Santa. Dumping Valentines Day is way too extreme. Yes, single people probably hate Valentines Day but that is only because they aren't spending it with someone they are in love with. Since Valentines Day is all about love, I think single people should spend Valentines Day with their family, the people they love the most. Like Alyssa, I had a boyfriend for the first three years of high school and we spent three Valentines Days together. But this year I had no "valentine," but I guess you can say I made my family my "valentine." We got my mom a gift and my mom got my brother, sister, and I some little presents. My mom made delicious pink heart-shaped ravioli and we had a nice family dinner together. Yes, it was different from spending my Valentines Day with a boy, but it was more special because I was with the people I love the most. Valentines Day is what people make of it. It is definitely not meant for single people to get depressed because they don't have a valentine.
ReplyDeleteI also think that "love addiction" does not exist, the article is basically describing infatuation. According to Encarta Dictionary, infatuation is defined as "an intense but short-lived and irrational passion for somebody or something." The article describes "love addiction" by saying "it begin with intense passion and end relatively quickly." These descriptions are basically the same thing. I believe that it is important to date different people because you learn what type of person you are into and what it feels like to be with someone you really like. "Love addiction" should not be a formal diagnosis in the field of psychology, what the article describes is basically just dating until someone finds the right person!
I think we've all seen the girls who are "addicted" to love. You know, The girls who can't go a week without a boyfriend. But I think the question lies in is it a legitimate addiction or a self esteem issue? Or is the addiction fueled by a self esteem issue? And how seriously do we view this "addiction"? I personally think these "addictions" are really low self esteem or other self image problems but that these problems should be addressed and taken seriously. Someone who constantly feels a need for superficial love could stoop to dangerous levels to achieve that false sense of security, they could lose the ability to be independent. Because they are not addicted to love, they are addicted to the idea of love. As for getting rid of valentines day, I think we as a society are viewing it in a negative context and just limiting it to one kind of love. This day can be about all kinds of love and what's so bad about that? Our society focuses so much on image which coincides with having the "perfect" partner. This puts unnecessary stress on people who have not found that person. I also just realized I'm sounding like a bitter single person but I promise that's not the drive behind this post... Awkward...
ReplyDeleteI do not think that love addiction is really a disorder. I think the type of behavior that this article describes as love addiction is a product of the society that we live in. People today are more independent than in the past and so they don’t feel the need to settle down as quickly. I don’t think these people can be characterized as love addicts just because they aren’t looking for a serious relationship in their teens or early twenties. Our social clock has changed from early decades. You are not expected to find your soul mate in high school or get married when you are young, although some people still do. I think that the increased divorce rate can also be attributed to society and changing values. Women and men don’t fall into cookie cutter roles like they did in the 50s. Many men and women are career oriented and this can lead to trouble in the home, therefore leading to divorce. The article also brings up an interesting point about love addictions being driven by “a deep insecurity about [the] ability to sustain a long-term, loving relationship.” I think this love addiction might also be caused by insecure attachments as toddlers. These love addicts may have authoritarian parents. Kids who have authoritarian parents may grow up not feeling socially accepted and have low self esteem. This low self esteem could cause adults to seek out acceptance from as many people as possible, leading to many new relationships but never anything deeper. As for Valentine's Day, I think it will be around for years to come. Too many people obsess over it and having a valentine to share the holiday with, but I don't really think it's a big deal. I think Valentine's Day can be a great day for people, single or in a relationship, to express how much they appreciate their loved ones, whether it be friends, family, or a significant other.
ReplyDeleteI think that the idea of a "love addiction" is crazy. It's a selfish excuse for a person to get in and out of relationships and only experience the romantic, passionate, and ignorant bliss. I think that, while it may be hyped up around Valentine's Day, I think it exists year-round. Like Katherine mentioned, we all know or have heard of that person who can't live being single, so they cling to a boyfriend or girlfriend for the short honeymoon phase and never actually stick around for the long haul. In my opinion, getting rid of Valentine's Day would do nothing to cure this love-disease. I think that, if anything, erasing Valentine's Day would hurt more than it would help--I think that it's important for the long-term-relationship couples to have a special day where they can re-live their own honeymoon phase. And for those single ladies and men out there, the day is a good excuse to buy yourself some chocolate or spend some quality time with other single friends.
ReplyDelete"Love addiction" should not be considered a true medical disorder. This article says that because people feel insecure, they also believe that they can not sustain a loving, long-term relationship, so they go in and out of short relationships. The article continues to say that these people can be diagnosed with a medical disorder called "love addiction". I do not believe that this is a disorder by itself but it is rather a result or "side-effect" from other real disorders, such as depression and other mood disorders. These disorders make people feel unworthy and very insecure. They want to have someone to love and someone who will love them but these feelings make them feel as if they don't deserve the love or if they will make the love end because of their "faults". So, I believe that "love addiction" should not be classified as a real medical disorder.
ReplyDeleteI also believe that people are getting too hyped up over Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is not a "holiday", but a Feast Day for Saint Valentine, the patron saint of love, young people, and happy marriages. Saint Valentine is not only the patron saint of "happy marriages" or "happy love relationships" but he is the patron saint of all love. Because of this, I believe that Valentine's Day should celebrate all love: family, friend, romantic, etc. As it is now, the media portrays Valentine's Day to be a day where you celebrate romantic love and you show your partner/girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse that you love them very much. Valentine's Day is simply an excuse for numerous companies to get money from people. On Valentine's Day in my house, my dad will of course buy my mom flowers and a few small gifts, but my mom will buy little gifts and candy for me, my four other siblings, my dog (sometimes), and my dad. Even when we're little kids, we all bring in Valentine's Day cards and candy to give to everyone in the class. The way my mom and little kids celebrate Valentine's Day is the way that all people should celebrate February 14th. I do not believe that Valentine's Day should be erased completely, I believe that it should be changed a bit to show people that February 14th is a day to celebrate all love.
When I was reading your comments about the article I kept saying to myself exactly what you ended with. Valentine's day should be looked at not only as a day to celebrate personal relationships but also, what is commonly forgotten, the relationships between family and friends. The facebook statuses about "hating" Valentines day are from the people only looking at the day as a reminder of how they are alone. In reality, I would bet you that at least 99% of those kids are not in fact alone. They have parents and siblings and friends that love them just the same. In response to the "love addiction" condition I think the article raises valid points and it makes me wonder if this could be in fact classified with addictions such as drug and alcoholism. Who knows, I guess it depends on the person. The article did bring up a point I liked which was that Valentines day draws confusion to how people SHOULD be feeling as opposed to how they actually are. Interesting subject, nice choice Jenn.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jen in the fact that people’s views on Valentine’s Day will be biased if you have a boyfriend or not. People who do not have boyfriends sulk about how they want to be in a relationship and how they are so alone, whereas the people with boyfriends can’t wait for Valentine’s Day(and in some cases buy gifts months beforehand). Although I think that this day can be rough for some and excellent for others, I do not think that it should be erased completely. Maybe there can be some places where it does not have to be quite as advertised, but that could in turn potentially hurt businesses. Between the media (commercials etc.) and stores (selling cards and candy), there is a constant reminder of the day for a while (or what seems like awhile) leading up to it. One thing I found really interesting the in the article was the part that talked about how children are expected to bring in Valentine’s for all of the classmates. This reminded me of the parties we used to have during school where we used to exchange candy and cards and play games instead of doing work. I never really saw the day as anything with a deeper significant meaning until I was a little bit older and saw my parents as well as couples all around me exchange real presents and not just candy. I feel like Valentine’s Day is a day to show others that you care about them and it does not only have to be seen as a time where husbands/wives and boyfriends/girlfriends exchange gifts and show how much they care for each other. I know in my family I get presents from my parents as well as my brothers and it is a time where we show our love/appreciation for each other. (Yes, I know that sounds corny, but it is true…) My views on Valentine’s Day are that if you have a boyfriend you should show each other how much you care about him, and that single people should just enjoy the friends and family in their lives, and show them how much they care/appreciate them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Katie C when she said that a person's attitude towards Valentine's Day may be correlated with whether or not that person is in a relationship. This year, I had a boyfriend for Valentine's Day, so I'm not going to lie, I was kind of excited to see what he came up with. Now that I've admitted my sappiness, I would like to add that I think Valentine's Day is a day that people build up a lot more than it needs to be. There is this notion that the bigger the action, the more a guy must "love" his significant other. But I don't think that's true at all. Like Katie said, it is all in the little things. The fact that a guy can remember your favorite color or flower says a lot more, to me anyway, than buying a huge flashy piece of jewelry. I think the sign that a relationship can really work long-term is all in the little things: the respect, equality,trust, and companionship. Those are what really maintain a relationship; sure, the flashy jewelry and other gifts are a nice surprise every once and a while, but when a relationship hits a hardship, what's going to hold the two parties involved together? Not that Tiffany Co. necklace.
ReplyDeleteThis being said, I don't think Valentine's Day should be gotten rid of, or "dumped", at all. Valentine's Day, although, yes sometimes overplayed and over dramatized, gives people a reason to be overly mushy, which can be kind of fun (hey, it's only once a year)! I think if you spend Valentine's Day with the people you love, whether it be family, friends,or a significant other the meaning deepens. Valentine's Day should be about showing those people that you love, that you care. We're so busy with our everyday schedules, so I think it's nice that we can have a special day set aside to take time for that person,or people, we love--we're given a chance to express that we love them,even if we don't get to show it as much as we'd like. Valley Day should definitely stay! :) <3